Mindless Goldfish

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Ask me why. Well, it is said that goldfish have a 3-second memory. Their attention span is somewhat compromised. When I first heard this I thought that maybe humans misunderstand the ways and thoughts of the little gold fishies that may have higher or different priorities, maybe they don’t want to remember. Today I see this little unfounded judgment as the pot calling the kettle black.

Have you ever seen or read the classic holy man story where a pupil appears for help and the wise man refuses, saying ‘I cannot help you’? I always used to find them cruel, selfish and pompous. Well not anymore, I finally understand why. Not to say I’m a holy man or I even believe in Church dot inc’s GDP called religion but… Y’all got me feeling like Jesus up in this b*†ç#.

About four years ago I discovered the huge benefits of focus and along the road of life, I picked up some great truths from souls like Deepak Chopra, Wayne Dyer, Esther Hicks and Neale Donald Walsh (btw, all are now brands that the average person cannot easily reach without a booking enquiry). I wanted to share, grow and build something with people regarding self-awareness. I started a free weekly discussion group/class in a local venue. The theme was basically centred on psychology, spirituality and achievement.

As well as things started out, before long there were some notable issues. At this point, I have to explain that when it comes to an impulsive task I am Mr. focus. You will rarely hear me ask you to remind me of the point. I believe that if there is a set goal to achieve, amongst a group of adults, there is no other unrelated conversation to entertain, at least at the expense of the point. I also understand having the odd break from the point is no reason for a divorce. You can’t get on another road without returning and expect to get to the original destination. Isn’t that obvious?
At the time, I knew mindfulness to mean being careful how you treat others. How wrong I was! No, mindfulness is actually the key to success in life on all levels, it is that incredible focus, it’s knowing what you’re being and doing most of the time, it’s not being distracted.

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The first lawbreaker in our class was a young lady…well, a little older than me so old enough to know better than to try to turn each session into a conversation about her and what the public health organisation had conspired to implant into her body. Every conversation led back to that crucial point in her existence. So important that she almost enjoyed the attention that talking of it gave her.

No matter how sympathetic and strategic we were, being stuck in early 2000, she kept bringing the class back to that time gone.  These verbal farts went on forever. “Yeah, really, wow, how sad?” I said at every darn meeting as she created new fresh roads back to the same sob story. You could offer her an organic cherry with cheese, tell her you were dying and somehow within four exchanges of dialogue you would be discussing the reason why her skin wasn’t right and the chemicals that were placed inside her while she was under an anaesthetic. For what Daisy, huh, for what? Oops.
Let me explain for the sake of avoiding misinterpretation. Firstly, when I write I am actually transcribing voices and feel uncomfortable stopping them to appease.  I would rather scrap the transmission than dilute. (God I see trouble ahead). Secondly; However I am permitted to explain so as not to cause any harm to the e… (secret word coming up later).
Although what she swore happened to her under the government service in so, so, so many different conversations, it most probably did happen. Yet I cannot be the judge of this as I have actually been force-programmed (in my own class) to acknowledge the point whether I wanted to or not. So I will agree with the possibility of shady goings on within our society to the point of embracing it and being labelled a *CT, but this was far from the point of the gathering.

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Then there were the times where, in a 45-minute talk I thought I effectively exposed the mischievously clever deception within the idea of social class, colour, patriotism and gender and who benefits from the divide. I knew they agreed by the nodding of poor, black, white, and Muslim heads of both genders. But only to then watch the black rising clashing with the white resistance and the Muslim finger pointing with the Jewish blame all turn into verbal confusion.

The original point of the gathering (far lost) was really peace with a little collaboration, creativity and maybe a sprinkle of love on the top and it kinda started that way but there is a huge, little word that begins with ‘E’ that is equally as powerful as the long word ‘Mindfulness’, yet much more destructive. The word has a camouflage that even the maker of its fabric, that matches everyone’s skin, can hardly detect. It’s called…and it deserves a ‘fucking’ with that: Ego.

Oh how deeply hidden this thing is? It lurks deep in the darkest subconscious corner of the mind and pretends to be all manner of decent opinions, it can turn up as a solid reason while all the time being a deep seated insecurity. How about a whole career path or a partner? It can even pretend to be a reason to bring a child into this kooky world. It can reason out changing of body parts and even take somebodies life.

Ever since discovering this ninja of a word I became so paralysed with fear of it because it had so far constructed a majority of my life without me having so much as a clue of its existence, I started to search for it. Countless life coaches, counsellors and therapists will probably tell you about the overtime I put in just to assassinate him but he lives on.

Today the paranoia has been reduced and ego just nods when I see him and we, after a short exchange, go our separate ways. We recognise that we now have little in common and we keep it formal and neighbourly but in one of the few times we spent together ego told me that he’s actually the cousin of misdirection. It all started to make sense. They attended my group together. They travelled by brain. Misdirection was hiding behind ego the whole time.

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The purpose of the group was to simply grow positively and innately. The careful mindful input of collective positive thoughts into a group is like climbing stairs. Each related thought puts you up on another, higher step. It’s easier to climb with each other as the individual’s focus can slip without the presence of another with similar direction. It’s like passing a baton while you race towards achievement, the journey is shorter if you only just simply play your part and remain aware of the goal.

The group eventually proved to be a little less constructive than I first imagined due to all of the above and I sadly abandoned the illusion. What we wished for would never be achieved because this small sample of society failed to hold a productive thought for more than the goldfish equivalent of three seconds due to ego’s and lack of focus, yet how many of us will point fingers at poor goldfish and their little attention span? Today, according to Researchers from the Technion Institute of Technology, goldfish can remember sounds played to them previously up to five months later. What say ye about humans today?

Last night I decided to quit a meditation group that took me four years to find. Why? Because it is not my duty, being a guest to waste my time explaining to the host that it is utter mindless insanity to ask the small, now relaxed group “Do you mind if I switch on the news”? Just 3 seconds after Lilian Eden ends with her trademark count of five bringing us back from meditation into a new clean and clear open chakra’d individual.

Am I in a huge fish tank, or is it my ego?

*CT. Conspiracy Theorist (a stain nothing but eloquence can remove)

By Angel Lewis

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